Hello reader,
The mosquitoes are back. I’ve been sleeping with the fan on. The last two mornings, I had nothing to wake up early for and roused squinting in my room blazed with eight a.m. sunlight. They say Memorial Day marks the start of summer (though we’ve just begun Gemini season and there’s one last third of spring we ought not to rush past).
Sometimes little trips or breaks in routine will change your whole life, kind of randomly—do you know what I mean? Like you come back home and your inner feel is different and your outer world starts to shift. But you didn’t have any big epiphanies or anything—it’s like the trip itself was a portal.
Coachella was like that to me for some reason. Though I had fun and found it interesting, I didn’t see it as a particularly life-changing experience. I imagine it was the financial commitment of the festival, because the girls and I came home with bags of dusty knit and lace to wash, then all of us disappeared from each other into work. My Peter Pan friends and I at our various restaurant and catering gigs, picking up extra shifts and working four days in a row 😩. (No one but fellow “unemployed friends” seems to find our sensitive work staminas very funny, but I can’t stop making the jokes).
I was on the phone with a friend from business school, describing this post-Coachella shift in me, my new, burgeoning Business Woman persona and the changes she’s brought about. For example, I received a vague description of the manager of the local farmers market, spotted her in the crowd on my first try, and asked her if I could host yoga classes there. She said, sure—so I start next week. I have, suddenly, a lot of little plans like that, ideas to develop a dynamic, creative career for myself. In between booked modeling gigs and castings, meetings with the alumni board, birthday dinners, seeing friends from out of town. I’m suddenly very busy! And enjoying proving to myself I can handle it—since I said I wanted it.
Anyway, my business school friend was like, why don’t you try to get a marketing job? (On account of the degree we received together.) And I was like, “No!” (Another Peter Pan reference: it was giving live-action 2003 Peter and Hook in the cave.)
After, I did wonder, why don’t I want a job? Like one in an office where I can work up to something and have health insurance and feel a little settled. I feel guilty sometimes about it, like I’m skirting something we’re meant to be doing as grownups. I feel guilty talking about it to you, though maybe you don’t have a job in the traditional sense either, or maybe you love your office. We’re all so very different. If you’re able to pursue a life that feels right, you might as well.
But I have my first yoga class coming up at the market—then super randomly, in the last few days I applied to and got a gig as a speed dating host at a chess club (???). The people interviewing me said like two hundred people show up to their events, so both new gigs are going to take some getting used to nervous system-wise (being seen by so many people!).
Hope to hear how this last bit of spring is treating you, reader. Kisses, lots of love. Stay cool, hug your friends.
Yours,
Z
❤️❤️❤️❤️🧚🏼